Daryl and Beth’s Drunken Quest

It’s been a while, but I’ve missed picking apart The Walking Dead, and this episode was as good as any to jump back on the saddle and pick up where I left off. This will be short and sweet. As sweet as a fruity drink with peach schnapps.

Although this season of TWD shows a little promise as far as the main storyline goes,  its trudging uphill at its usual, unbearably slow pace. In this week’s addition, Beth wants to get crunk. The writers legitimately want me to be invested in Daryl and Beth as they search for her “first drink”. What would her headless daddy think? And as they reach the first stash of alcohol at an abandoned country club, we learn that the only drink available is peach schnapps. Daryl HATES peach schnapps, so obviously they continue on their journey to find Beth the perfect first drink. At this point, I’m on the edge of my seat. Will it be beer or vodka? Maybe whiskey or wine coolers? I couldn’t decide, I had no choice but to continue watching to find out. To make a long story short, the two find a secluded cabin out in the woods where they find a nice little stash of moonshine, and the both of them get lit and play drinking games until the sun goes down. We learn that Daryl comes from a poverty ridden home (imagine that), and Beth misses her family (another big surprise). Just reading back over what I’ve just written, I can’t believe my eyes. That is honestly this week’s episode of The Walking Dead. The only positive thing that happened in this episode is the Mountain Goats playing the episode off. But, Beth’s drunk, mission accomplished.

Now, why do I dread an episode featuring teen heart throb Daryl Dixon? Because Daryl is the most popular character on the show… Therefore, he is off limits when it comes to writers killing him off. Predictability is off the charts when it comes to Daryl. I’ve also found the main storyline never progresses when the spotlight is on our prized redneck. It feels as if time stops and we’ve wasted a week not moving or going anywhere. I’m really beginning to question how much longer the show can get away with this. This is a water cooler show, and I can’t see people standing around discussing Beth searching for liquor.

There is a positive point to this season. In the last episode where Rick hides under a bed for 30 minutes, we see a pack of biker/gang bangers raiding the house that Carl and Rick have been inhabiting. It seems these guys could possibly be linked to the next adversary that Rick and company will have to face down the road; the Lucille wielding son of a bitch that tees off when someone looks at him wrong. This is my small sliver of hope in a boring, undead world.

In next week’s episode of TWD, Rick and Carl desperately search for Carl’s first joint. Until next time…

Bullshit Fantasy Moments: Week 9

We won’t be like Tom Brady and leave you hanging; let’s dive in-

Tyler

My bullshit moment isn’t as bad as leaving Chris (29 points) Johnson  on the bench and playing DeMarco (4 points) Murray, (Hi, Drew!) but nonetheless, deserves recognition. I played Phillip Rivers in place of Tom Brady. Now, leading up to this week, it’s been pretty much a toss up on who to play each week. You know why? Because let’s review Tom Brady’s receiving corps: first, you have Aaron Hernandez who *allegedly* shot not 1, not 2, (LeBron voice) but 3 people, and is locked up for, oh I don’t know, the rest of his life. Next, we have Wes Welker who added to his legacy of dropping a crucial Super Bowl pass by going to the Denver Broncos, and the other white super successful record breaking quarterback, Peyton Manning. Who did they replace him with? Danny Jelly Bones Amendola. Finally, we have Rob Gronkowski, the oft-injured millionaire playboy and night owl – wait, is Gronk Batman? I digress.

So that left Brady throwing to Kendrell Thompkins. I’m going to prove to you how little known Thompkins is by not looking up his name to see if I am even remotely close on being correct. I don’t care. He’s a nobody. Anyway, long story short, Rivers gave me 22 and Brady erupted for 41 points. Bullshit.

Rating

I ended up winning my matchup by 40+ points anyway thanks to my opponents disregard for subbing in player not on a bye week, so I can’t go more than 1 Drunk Papa J this week.

Jordan

A real bull might as well walk up and shit on me, because once again, my fantasy week was a catastrophe. This time, I’ll let Pete Caroll’s Seahawks personally accept my drunk Papa’s. With Danny Amendola (yeah, that’s right) going off alongside Tony Homo and A.J. Green, I thought I may slip by with an easy victory. And I have the Seahawks defense going up against a winless Buccaneers team without a primary running back and quarterback in Seattle! I don’t need to explain the rest… 3 points. I expected at least 20.

Rating

So with my defense laying an egg and my opponent playing Andre Johnson, I can confidently say I’m in fantasy hell. Three drunk Papa’s.

“Sick” of Waiting: The Walking Dead Season 4

The only thing The Walking Dead accomplished in episode three was creating a new drinking game. Every time someone coughs, take a shot. Now you’re DRUNK 10 minutes into the show, and that should alleviate some of the pain of having to sit through this boring addition to The Walking Dead season four.

Last week, when I referenced the sneak peek for this episode, I promised it would include a scene where fan favorite Daryl and his friends cruise down the road going on a supply run. They would run into an onslaught of walkers, and that’s where the clip ended. Little did I know, that scene wouldn’t come around until the show had 10 minutes left. Sigh… Instead, we’re stuck in the prison (what’s new), with all of the sick people from the cell block that was invaded, and uh-oh, we find out that Glenn has the bug! On top of that, it turns out that this is a Hershel episode… Yes, Hershel is loveable and has a beard and a peg leg, but by no means should he be on the screen longer than our heroine Rick Grimes. Anyway, Hershel has a big dilemma. He doesn’t want to stay quarantined with the others that don’t have the curious illness, so he decides to take it upon himself, defy Carl and his bad ass pistol with the silencer sticking four feet off the barrel, and go out and pick berries, damn it! Go Hershel! Fight the fight, brother. This is honestly the girth of this episode. I can’t make this stuff up.

About the coughing… The group is now deathly ill. How do we know who carries the mysterious virus that is sweeping through the prison? A cough. I can’t fathom how many coughs are in this episode. There are more coughs than walkers. There are more coughs than angry/disoriented Rick looks. This illness storyline has run its course. I’m not sure I can sit through another 30 minutes of watching Hershel feeding berries to sick people. Therefore, I’ve come up with a solution. Doctor House shows up and accidentally discovers what the illness is and finds a cure for it. Done.

Now for my positive point of the week. Yes, something good happened. I can’t just bitch and moan this entire time… The show finally referenced the comics. Twice. In the opening scene, Rick and Tyreese get in a little scuffle, and Tyreese finally shows his aggressive side. This was a big moment in the books. Little do any of you know, Rick and Tyreese are pretty tight on paper. I would go as far as to say Tyreese was second in command. A horrific fight broke out leaving both Rick and Tyreese bloodied and battered. But they were still buds. It was nice to see that moment unfold on screen. The second homage to the comic universe included Tyreese once again. Tyreese, not having the will to go on any longer, decides to wait in the car a little longer than anyone else to see what hand fate has dealt him. He finally comes to his senses and he is consumed by rage. Walkers surround him as he begins pounding skulls with his mighty hammer. It looks as if there is no way he can survive and he is left behind, only to show up at the end of the episode, victorious. When I was reading this issue, I thought for sure Tyreese was a goner.  Well done.

I’m not really impressed with the sneak peek for next week. It features Daryl and Michonne sneaking through an abandoned clinic, trying to find medicine for the ailing group members. They alert a walker and are pursued. That’s it. Oh, and Marilyn Manson was on Talking Dead. Need I say more? I’ll leave you with something to look forward to. I’ve seen pictures of who they’ve casted as Abraham Ford, and I’m impressed. Those of you who aren’t familiar with Abraham, he has a militaristic background and pummels walkers with an array of automatic weapons. And he has a sweet handlebar mustache. Until next time, just keep watching, I guess.

The Wait for Winter

Go to your bookshelf and find your copy of Game of Thrones (Your bookshelf should be in alphabetical order). Dust it off and begin re-reading, Song of Ice and Fire fans… If the rumors are true, it could be a while before we see Winds of Winter.

At a recent New York comic con, George R.R. Martin revealed that he is releasing a few new titles that he’s been working on. Such titles include: The Words and Wisdom of Tyrion Lannister and Old Mars. And guess what anticipated book he’s probably had on the back burner… Winds of Winter, which most hopeful fans assumed would release late 2014, is now expected to release in 2015… Most realistically 2017. If I could capitalize numbers…

Fans have always been disgruntled with Martin’s pace, which is painfully slow. There was a five year gap between A Feast for Crows and A Dance With Dragons, so it’s no surprise that fans may be waiting even longer to know the fate of Jon Snow. This also bodes badly for the show… As Game of Thrones races into season 4, it follows the storyline of the second half of the third book (A Storm of Swords). If the show continues this grueling pace, there will eventually be a drought for material. Writers have even entertained the idea of featuring episodes that focus on secondary characters and their backstories. Let’s hope it never comes to that. What is particularly frustrating is the fact that Martin is working on side projects featuring popular characters from the Song of Ice and Fire series… While these titles are interesting, fans like myself are much more interested in a full length, 1,200 page masterpiece that pulls us closer to a conclusion in Westeros.

On a happier note, Martin has shed some light on the premise of a new evil character that peaked my interest. He revealed that he is working a character into the story that is inspired by none other than Bryan Cranston’s performance as Walter White in Breaking Bad. That should be enough to have any SOIAF weak at the knees. Heisenbaratheon? House White? We can only speculate at this point, but be on the lookout for blue milk of the poppy.

So continue reading the Ice and Fire Wiki (a third or fourth time through). Keep trying to decipher who Robert Strong is made out of, and pray for Lady Stoneheart. It’s going to be a long wait for winter, friends.

Three Little Pigs: The Walking Dead Season 4.

When the season 3 finale of The Walking Dead aired, I was beside myself with excitement. For many weeks I watched as the story slowly trudged uphill, trying to seek a satisfying resolution to the Woodbury/Governor storyline. Being an avid TWD comic reader, I figured viewers were in for a big treat in the finale. Boy was I wrong… When The Governor rolled through the prison gates with his merry band of Woodbury misfits, I figured the moment we’d all been patiently waiting for was getting ready to come to a head. But shortly after the Governor fled with his tail between his legs, I quickly realized the show was only going to roll downhill from there. And after no satisfying end to the Governor and his reign of terror, we’re catapulted into season 4, where we’re waiting for something to happen. And alas, nothing ever does…

Season 4 kicked off with farmer Rick digging in his garden, E-I-E-I-O. That opening scene would set the tone for the rest of the episode, even bleeding off into the second episode of the season. We’re brought into a new world inside the prison, where the survivors of Woodbury and the original band of veterans, have built their own community, complete with a makeshift farm. Besides giving us a peek into what the clan has been up to since we left them last, and Hershel throwing his two cents in about gardening, nothing really happens, besides finding out that the air is out to get them now. Some will argue that it’s only the first episode and it takes time to set the story up and get it rolling. Wrong. When Breaking Bad (this won’t be the first time I reference this masterpiece) kicked off their final season, the premiere episode slid the BB faithful right to the edge of their seats, and kept them there for 45 minutes. I wasn’t expecting this technique from TWD, but it is possible, and it is sorely missed. Now that we know where we’re at in season 4, let’s jump to the much anticipated second episode.

In the second episode, Rick Grimes, leader, father figure, and hero in this miserable, apocalyptic wasteland, poses as the big bad wolf, as he slaughters innocent piglets… Yeah, the most dramatic scene in this episode is Rick killing a bunch of pigs. Go figure. Anyway, there is someone feeding walkers some juicy rats at the fence. Fast forward to Talking Dead where host, Chris Hardwick, asks Paramore’s Hayley Williams who she thinks is feeding the walkers. There is a few seconds of silence, and then, “Maybe it’s the Governor?” WOAH, Hayley… Back to the episode, we’re thrown into a storyline where Tyreese is cuddling up with… uhhh– I forgot her name. Anyway, spoiler alert, she dies at the end of the episode, and the audience hasn’t had enough time to get emotionally attached to this character. I don’t even know her name…The problems I have with the storytelling thus far is the writers desperately trying to force us to feel sorry for the deaths of characters that we’ve only seen in one episode. During Rick’s master plan to draw the walkers away from the fence, he takes his pigs out in the field and runs a blade across their stomach. As Rick slices each piggy, a somber score swells and the camera cuts to Rick’s infamous soured expressions. Robert Kirkman actually wants me to feel sorry for the deaths of these pigs…  What happened to the madness of losing a main character every other episode? What happened to Dale lying defenseless in a field with a walker bite and Rick having to put him down? What happened to Shane losing his mind and turning on Rick? The past two seasons are really lacking these gripping moments in which we mourn the loss of our favorite characters. In order to restore order in TWD universe, the group must leave the prison behind. they must take to the unforgiving forests where danger lurks behind every stump. They need to encounter another major threat (NEGAN).

Although I’m bashing the hell out of the show, like Negan pounding some innocent skull (read the comics, guys…) with Lucille, I really want to like it. I promise. And I will continue to watch it, maybe more habitually now than anything, but things have to change if it’s going to get back to the magic that was seasons one and two. On a much lighter note, the sneak peek for next weeks episode looks promising. As teen heartthrob Daryl cruises down the road with Michonne and others, they encounter what looks like over 1,000 walkers. Scenes outside the prison, bitch! Until next week, let’s hope Carl got to read some of his favorite comics.